My husband does not hide his side chick

Dear Pastor,

My husband and I have been married for 11 years, but we have been together for 12.

We have one son together, but my husband has three other children from before we met. These children and I get along very well. I have told my husband that we should take one of them to live with us, but he disagreed. I thought it would be good for the child that we have together.

My husband is a bus driver. He also owns taxis, so he always has cash. People tell me that he always has women with him and I always defend him and say it is because of the type of work that he does. There are women who ride in his bus for free. The conductor told me that one in particular just enters the bus and he has a special seat for her, so he knows that she is his woman. I spoke to him about it and he asked me if this woman affects me. I told him yes because I do not want him to bring home any disease to me. He said I would have got the disease already and he mentioned the conductor’s name and said that he would fire him because he should mind his [expletive] business.

Some weeks ago, he went on a trip to western Jamaica, and when I expected him to come home, he did not. He called and said that he was having vehicle trouble, but I found out that the woman was with him and they slept at a hotel. It is not easy to know these things and to pretend that they don’t affect me.

This girl that he is openly with is not hiding; he supports her. There is not a week that she is not in the bus with him. She is not working, but she is always well put together and the money comes from him. How could a girl who is not working live in a gated community and drive a car? When I quarrel with him and tell him that nothing is wrong with me and I can do things to hurt him, he says I should do what I want to do. What I was trying to tell him was that I can keep another man with him, but he took what I said to mean that I want to hurt him physically. But I would not keep another man with my husband because I know he would do something bad to that man.

I am complaining to you about my husband’s behaviour, but I must give him credit where it is due. When it comes to taking care of me, he is number one. I do not lack money and he pays the bills. He takes care of our son. Right now, the boy is preparing for high school. He also takes care of his other children.

The men who operate taxis for him don’t complain. In fact, they know that they can’t fool with him. But I want this man to stop fooling around women. That is my biggest complaint. Why can’t this girl find a man for herself and leave my husband alone? I have never called her, but I know her name and address. Do you think I should confront her?

I told my husband that one of these days, I am going to talk to her and he asked me how that would help me. Do you think I should really talk to this girl? I spoke to one of his friends about it and his friend told me to leave the girl alone. What do you think I should do?

E.

Dear E..,

You believe that you can prove that your husband has other women and one in particular is always on the bus with him.

The conductor told you so. She rides on the bus all the time, and she does not have to pay fare. The conductor has to learn to keep his mouth and not to bring news to you if he intends to keep his job. I am not here saying what this man is doing is right, but as the saying goes in Jamaica “see and blind”.

It is not wise for you to threaten your husband. I understand that you feel that he is disrespecting you, but he believes that he has to have other women in his life. But look on the brighter side of the issue, he supports you very well and he takes care of the home and your son. He also supports his other children.

You suspect that he is the one who is paying for everything for this woman. But his friend is quite correct in advising you not to call the young woman and threaten her or comment on her lifestyle. You don’t know the full truth of the relationship she is having with your husband. Don’t harass the girl in any way; deal with your husband at home.

Pastor